home sweet home

im not generous in shedding some tears..i cant cry..i dont even want to...so i usually put on the brave face..crying to me only makes me feel weak....not a favourable feeling..i hate feeling weak..feeling vulnerable...gaaaaahhh...

lately..im been feeling really uptight..emotion swirling...total chaos...u really dont want to come close...5 meter? nope..thats just to close...u can definitely feel the vibe..to friends and family..haha.. u know me..  

I've been keeping it to myself for a week then ....puuuffftftttf..explode..ggggggaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh..my insides are pouring...damn..so much pain...

Since i was 15 i never felt home exactly like home...home was suppose to make u feel safe...feel happy...like its the only place where u can find peace...because supposedly there is where your family are...and friends...

So, ever since i went to boarding school i just want to go home..but not exactly the home that i am staying...just want to go back..so bad... anywhere will do..as long as its not my home..i may sound like a trouble kid who plans to runaway...that thought did cross my mind sometimes...but the same i never had the guts to really runaway from home..im just a teenage that time..give me a break...

Now im practically 18..still the same feeling conquer me...i dont feel home even when im at home....very depressing.. i wish i had a place where i truly can feel safe..happy..peace.. 

i wish i had a home... a real home...