My heart out

I may look strong on the outside but I'm actually weak within...this
face that u always saw smiling is just a facade...nobody can see
within me..

I never want anything so much in my life...simplicity and a peace of
mind that is all..I'm not like the average teenager who will always
depend on their parents for what they
want..handphones..laptop..camera..car... Because I know that money is
much more important for my studies...so I am grateful with what I
have..my life it's not perfect but it's quite ok..until that day
came...my life, everybody change completely...nothing is the same
anymore..
Does this make me stronger?I'm not a robot that can withstand
pain....and I know u feel that pain too...we can't point fingers to
anybody..it's life..the way it wanted to be...I can't blame life....

no use crying..that doesn't change anything...

God..only U know what truly in my heart...my deepest desire..just
that...

Just that......please.....

Your touch

Body language? Nope..just body contact :p haha..hey! I'm not going to
write anything that is obscene!

It's like for islam when we pray berjemaah....we have body contact
which is when two elbow touch..it's amazing what u feel..u feel calm
and peaceful..feel very safe..

What im trying to point out is that human touch can actually effect u
in different ways..like when my mum hug me..when we were watching tv
together..I feel really safe..like a child..like all the problems in
the world dissapear and there is just me and her..I like that
feeling.. Don't u wonder why kids constantly wanting to cling to their
mother?? I do and I think it's that feeling..warmth.. And safe.. :D

Even with friends....that they would always be by your side..always
hold your back..it's that feeling.. :)

I love u mama! Even I'm almost 19 I'm never too old for your hugs or
kisses! I still want them :D

Dreaming with hope

Jealousy is the ugliest trait...bear that in mind..it's no use if u
are going to sulk all day thinking that is not fair this isn't suppose
to be happening to me..it's no use being like that..what a waste of
breathe and energy!

Think positive! I always think that there's a reason for everything
that happens.. :D easier said than done right? :) atleast try to think
it that way..it makes u feel a little bit better of yourself...

So for this post mainly about dreams..I have many dreams..I can see
many of my friends leading their dream...in Korea in Russia in Sydney
and etc..when will it be my turn to lead my own dream?.... So what is
my dream? I always wanted to be a dentist....it doesn't matter whether
I study abroad or just here in Malaysia but I just want to achieve my
dream..

Unfortunately I'm taking engineering now..but I think it this
way..other people can lead their dream easily but for me maybe just
maybe I have to take the extra mile..I have to go through a hard phase
before I can lead my own dream....maybe I'm just not ready and I need
to learn more.. :D I just take it that way..there is always a reason
for everything...

nothing is impossible if u really want it....I know I'm capable but I
just need to push myself outside my comfort zone.. Then there is a
bright chance that my dream can one day come true ! :D
Believe in me! Hopefully my dream would come true :)

I have been doing alot of thinking lately and talking and thinking and
talking again...that sum up this...

Most probably I won't be updating my blog for awhile..after this maybe
just a little due to some reasons...

Yay! I completed my aim for this month...5 post in a month and less
than two days! Hehe.. :D

Owh..Gadis melayu ku!

Gadis melayu....oooooo..wujudkah lagi? :D hahah.hello? Is there is
'gadis melayu' we're talking bout here?.I don't know what u are
thinking but to me I still believe there is what we called 'gadis
melayu'... Actually in every Malay girl there is definitely a part of
it...erm somewhere :D hehe I know..this sound so weird.. Yeah..u know
me..I talk crap many times..especially when I have nothing to do...

What a gadis melayu supposedly to be? Hurmm... :3 in my opinion..what
u called 'ciri2 keperempuanan'..how they behave..seriously i used to
think that this doesnt exist anymore..well hello!? u are in the
millenium..i dont see these girls acting like a gadis melayu..until i
met this 1 person...wow! The most important point:-

1.very soft spoken..
2.shy
3.well mannered
4.very neat..how do I say this..(pandai menjaga diri la..dari hujung
rambut ke hujung kaki)
5. Socializing not too much yet not to little..
6. And the list goes on..not to forget to know the art of cooking :)

Well as u can see this is all about personality..yes..back in the days
a girl personality really been look serious into..its important....to
get married obviously -_-" ok............erm...so the person I met I
can say have 1 or 2 points of personality like a 'gadis melayu' ..well
we are not perfect but I think many would fall for her..alahai..lemah
lembut.. :)

So what I see in these days girls..we do have 1 or 2 or more of that
kind of personality..so it's not really dead..what I see is that we're
not forgetting our origin , the tradition or anything..we're
continuously improving.. :D hopefully I think for the better..how do
is say this..( selaras dengan perkembangan masa ) sorry..I cant
translate fully what I'm thinking :D

Hurry! February is going to end and I just started to write again..so
hopefully atleast 5 post for this month :) hehe

See ya!

The world is full of strangers

Well hello! :)so what I'm going to write? People..lives..?

We live in the world that is full of strangers..so how do we live
peacefully and full of happiness without any relentless thoughts that
stranger may hurt us?? I do wonder..so how?? (fyi I'm NOT writting an
essay) :p

Nowadays it's hard not to see any news on tv or newspaper regarding
violent act of a person to another....parents will and always say to
their children to stay away from strangers and not to be nice to the
person u don't know..in this era I think that act is necessary...we
practically live in fear..

but I also think that we should be kind to all eventhough it's a
stranger..the world would definitely be a better place... :) but these
strangers took this act of kindness for granted... So that is where
the trend where we should be cautious with the people around us
started...especially strangers...they might just harm us.. :D just
imagine..if people were to be nice to each other..to acknowledge each
other...no hate no grudge no envy but just love..

..................

You are a stranger to me..I am a stranger to u..they are strangers to
us..all in all we are strangers..

This is just what I do when I have nothing..absolutely nothing to
do..I would think of...pratically things like this :D jiberish-ing...

What to do????

Yay! Holiday is on the way! Fortunately for me ! Sorry
guys..hahha..I'll be taking a break from books..like for 3 weeks.. :)
what to do? Suggestions?

Well I do have a few in my mind..hmm..

1. Early in the morning..jogging! ( if u knew me u would probably make
faces and say something like this - " for real??Nak bangun pagi pun
susah ni apa lagi jogging!" T,T yes..it's a bit of a challenge though..

2.I would like to read books regarding body language..I am
intrigued..I find this very interesting..very useful also..something
about non verbal action that actually tells more than what u say..
This is so cool! :D to actually read people action..haha ( I sound so
nerdy) hahaha

3. WATCH TV...a must! Well for me I'm planning on watching..NCIS,burnt
notice, lie to me, criminal minds,family guy......the list goes on! :D
oh no! Couch potato! Hahaha..well february..nothing interesting film
though..such a heartache..

4.I need a hobby.. -_____-

5.erm..haven't thought of anything yet..

So yeah that is what to be expected during my holidays..I can't go out
that much..fyi money is running low..and nobody to go out with..
Huhu..pity me :(( 3 weeks? Shouldn't be that long I guess :D

Yes..I haven't write much lately..so this is just me babbling weirdly
of my thoughts of the holiday to come!

This is for now! Bye!

Games of hearts

Ever felt a sudden jolt at your heart??like its been stab with a
knife..that is heartache..u cannot see the wound but the pain is like
almost real..amazing..

It's hard not to notice u..sometimes I wish I didn't know u...now it's
just very hard for me to erase u from my memory..it may take days,
perhaps weeks or even months...

I can't act cool thinking everythings alright everytime I see u..cause
it's not..my heart flutters, I have
butterfly in my stomach , I can keep still, my breathing goes fast, I
felt like my heart going to burst..i get so nervous..now I am not
comfortable at all everytime I see u..this is so wrong..my heart is
playing tricks with my mind.. Can't I just relax? Nope..tried
that..didn't work..I still feel fluttery..

But too bad this is just from a distance.. I probably stammer when I
try to talk to u... Why am I being very emotional lately?full of
emotions in me..maybe it's the pressure that is building up..

I think I always talk about crap but this post is the crappiest of em
all..definitely.. So dear heart, what game are u planning on me now? ;)