Don't say no, no, no, no-no

today...i met HIM... :D well its been awhile...since he take different course its very hard to see him now...boohoo...so suddenly this song pops up in my mind... bruno mars - marry you...hahha...the irony of it..gosh..didnt see that coming..well he acknowledge me...he said something..i said something back...then i watch him leave....hmmmph :D so this song goes to whoever...well its kind of dumb to have this song suddenly pops up in your mind when u met someone... :D haha..hope to see u again...

Loneliness

Lonely but sad. Lonely but happy.. Two different meaning behind

it...its lonely but with a different feeling..

Im a quite person..i dont know if i have a best friend..but i do 

acknowledge this one person as the closest to me..but even she do not 

know whats deep inside me..she doesnt know any of the 

heartache...maybe i just never showed it..especially to the one who 

are close to me..

Loneliness is always looking for a friend...it found me once and has been around since then..

the songs to the once 

famous boy band..yes..u must have heard of it..westlife..

What I'm feeling is that lonely but sad..I don't know..I kind of miss 

my sister..she's not always at home..in matrics..holiday is very hard 

to get for her..so I'm the one who is always home..as u may know in 

the previous post I wrote about home sweet home..hehe..

I remember clearly..since we were small we always 

fight...constantly..I used to scream at her..I was really furious..but 

somehow when we were 15 our foster dad got sick..after that we were 

always together....she always held my back..and I held her..when 

everything falls apart..the family..problems...my dad..he changed 

completely to his old self..or much worse..it's hard for me and my 

sister..who can we depend on now?hmmph..couldn't get any better..life 

just get hard..it's been almost 4 years now..sometime this drive me 

crazy....gaaaaahhh..

All in all..I'm still alive....I'm not crazy.. :D hehe..how long would 

it take for me to crack? We'll see how far this go...fuuhhh...inhale 

and exhale..breathe........................

What a day

Yesterday...I watched harry potter..(yay!) it was the last chronicle
of the series from 7 books all together if I'm not mistaken..so this
is a must to watch movie..yes..for u who haven't watch it yet..I
deeply encourage to watch it at the cinema..a worth while movie to
watch.. :D

There are many very interesting movie I haven't watch for the past 2
month..one of it is RED..damn..I miss it at the cinema..didn't get a
chance..was going back to campus..:( boohoo..

So after the movie me and my friends when bowling..well it's been
awhile..and yup..I suck at it..the beginning was horrible..twice in a
row I got zero..curse u bowling ball (yeah..blame it on the
ball :D)but as we get to the final two games I finally managed to get
my mojo on..oh yeah oh yeah! 9/1 then it was 9/1 again..I was good..
Didn't get a 100 for the total though but I got a solid 71..not bad..I
could do worst..

It was already 10 when we finished..so we headed for IKEA..I miss the
meatballs there..I also planned to eat their chicken wing..but it was
finished..such luck..boohoo.. I craved for those finger licking
wings..still..didn't get it..ok..maybe next time :D

Man..I was exhausted..the whole day was a havoc..but it was fun to go
out sometime like this..making beautiful memories to be
preserved..hehe..time to sleep..next week again time for staying up
late!

Fear not chicken wing we will meet again..soon..

a fight to the finish

its been awhile since i wrote anything..as usual..been busy..this week been sleeping late everyday..i dont mind..have to start training myself..i knew now that many people are trying to compete with me..i dont judge people directly..so i assume now since we are in a new semester we are EQUAL..at the beginning together..learning new things together..so theres no many differences..so whats matter is the finish line..i see u later..cause i wont be falling back..:P  yes..its a race to the finish line.. i admit u as a worthy competitor.. so bring it on...

sometimes..i feel disappointed with my past..i am just average..i dont exceed my limit nor get close to it...maybe because there were too many distraction..so i often felt sad and envy my friends who are now thousands of miles away studying abroad..hey i know them..they are great now..but why am i at the back..i dont want to be the last person..i dont want to regret anymore..FIGHT2.. must..i dont want to be left behind anymore....

you and your act

there are many things i can stand and keep it cool..but there are also a few things that i really cant stand...if u dont know me u wouldnt want to get close to me when im angry..i can be more furious than a lion...the king of the jungle cant even beat me..

we can say that we are only human so we are not perfect..yes..i can accept that..but i am also human and i just cant stand people with these kind of attitude..so please accept this cold hard fact..

i do not like, cant stand people who are ungrateful..who do not appreciate what we have done to them..im not asking u to always remember..but dont act like u dont remember..i used to help u alot..most of the time..in time when u are falling im there with u..so atleast acknowledge me.. be kind...dont act like u dont bother about me..i feel that people dont appreciate other people...i do help people sincerely..the best i could at every try...so why do they forget?this is because they dont appreciate..they take it for granted...

i cant stand people who brings people down..in other word like always like always let u down with words or act..i have gotten alot...like what they say.."what doesnt kill u only makes u stronger"..well..i think now i just cant use this encouragement of words anymore..it gets harder every time..why people are so mean??if they dont like the way their life are so why try to bother others??your just jealous with my life..get your own life..well for your information my life isnt perfect..but im trying hard to make the best of it..so please..

yeah..let it out.lately being really down..i hate it..im not strong like i used to be..this is bad.......i might just breakdown anytime...hmmphh

after death

im very sorry for the last post...i explode..that was just a little..u havent seen me at that state..im sure u be scared..well hahaha..i randomly search again through the net and found about this very interesting stuff..ever heard of Cemetery in Yekaterinburg city? u may google it if u dont..yes...why am i saying about cemetery? Halloween is long gone already..hahah..if im not mistaken the city itself used to be known in the 90s as 'the crime capital of Russia'..well if its russia then it is definitely about mafia!..yeah..many mafia leaders lived there..so they also died there...so even after they died their power,control still shown..yes well in the form of sculpted tombstone of themselves..haha..the irony..well a few picture as a proof..:P

so the ever usual RIP is not in use.. :D the bigger the tombstone it shows like the more powerful they are.. well i would want to see it myself..one day..quite eerie..hehe

hear me out..please

there just a few unhappy things i wrote in this blog..that doesnt show at all that i am fully happy with my life..honestly..i am so weak..now easily get teared up of few sensitive things that wasnt a bother before..damn..i hate this part of me..cause i dont want to admit defeat to that selfish good for nothing jerk..im sorry for my vulgar words but i am really angry..i felt like exploding..years of holding in..its always the same excuse..man, i am tired of it..my mind cant adapt to that anymore..maybe because of this i am sooo lazy right now..i should be doing my physic and chemistry..i just feel down...i hate him..i really2 hate him..this feeling will never change...he brought this up to himself..now he is the one that have accept this..cause he never ever going to change.. such a disappointment..i felt i cant live through this life knowing that he will always be there sucking the life out of me..taking my happiness..and thats the main reason that i dont want to go home.. i written about "home sweet home"..this is why..he is the main reason of all..

even before he got sick he still think only for himself..when it comes to family nothing..when it was stranger he was as generous...i remember everything..its like he wanted to make his own family his enemy..yes i am definitely your enemy no! Satisfied!!!???

how long i must go through this?how long must my family go through this? they always say its ok he wont be long so be patient..yes (the same excuse)..but we are only human how long can we put up with this???God...give me strength to live.......i use to think of taking my own life....to that extend that i cant take it anymore...i might just do it..please..please hear me..

the pain is indescribable.. heart breaking

yummy to the tummy

today i woke up very early..(7..ok la?)hehe..normally i never do woke up early if i were at home..i just dont know..werent that sleepy..so the interesting part is at 9 or 10..breakfast time~! i had pancake today..:D home made loving pancake..hmm..yumyum..

fluffy pancake with chocolate ganache on top :D

yummy..the pancake made to perfection..:D and thats a real photo taken by ME..yes..please dont drool infront of the screen..;P later im going to have the Malaysian all best dish which is the Nasi lemak itself...hungry already..haha.yes2..the only best part being at home is to stuff myself with food..even if im not doing it..my mum would force me to eat this,eat that..(typical..mums..worry if their child havent been fed well)
nnnnoooooo~! this is bad..(for me though) cause i will definitely be gaining weight...ggggaaaahhh..bboohhoo..what to do? :D

mentally infected

i always like ne yo songs..like because of you..so sick..mad..sexy love..part of the list and so on but this one song that i dont know i just dont like it..its weird..yeah..but its stuck in my head now :D hahah..damn.. i bet many have heard of this..yes..its 'beautiful monster'..such creativity..yet i really would like if i wasnt been called as a monster though :D what?is the woman that bad? if it was ne yo singing to me me alone yeah why not?;)

enjoy~!

wishing star,wishing well, etc..

well, its normal for human to feel inadequate of something..i wish for many things..:D i think there are so much sometime i just dont remember all of it..but im really am grateful for what i have now..Alhamdulillah..thank u Allah..but at times we do feel certain longing..

Im not an outdoor person yet i still like to do sport..if i were to play handball again i would say yes..a thousand times or more..:Dreally do miss playing it though...even through hard training (15 more laps) it was fun..i longed to play this again...huhu..so in my mind i really wish i could play handball again..

i wish i had a car..eventhough now im still scared to drive alone (even manual..no way im driving!) but i really wish i had a car where i can just drive sometime or even leave it at the gate..hehe:D my mum wanted to buy for me this honda i dont know what year but its old..however it still cool with its fire red colour..juat the way i like it..PERFECT..but i cant due to some reasons..so thats the end of it..

well it suppose to be red..but yes this is the model honda..

teeth.everything that is related to dentistry..i wish i can be a dentist..so why the hell im taking engineering now??boohoo..yes its because im not fully eligible to take this course...this was a long lasting dream that i wish to fullfil..i know im not good enough cause i really dont push myself to exceed my limit..im always staying in my comfort zone..and that is my weakness..maybe in the time to come i will be one..:D

my time to shine will finally come hahaha

i wish i had a passport..so i can travel..duuh..there so many places that i want to go..london(typical)..paris(so cliche)..abu dhabi..dude the place is awesome..i heard theres a ferrari based theme park there..so wanted to go..maybe in the future..:D keeps my head up high now...

there are just to many..i could write for hours of the things i want..but through all of this im utterly grateful for what i have now..:D
  

my memoir as a mindless midget

=) mindless midget? yes.. I was a mindless midget ..
I remember in standard 3, Cikgu Farizam (my class teacher and also my math teacher) have given us a test and i remembered clearly that i was the last one to finish. Everyone had gone home already and still i couldnt answer the addition,subtraction,multiplication (eg. 3x3, the hardest for me at that time). Pity me! =(( cikgu farizam even help me to answer some of the question but i still fail to understand..i guess what was in my head that time was only playing at the park and drawing (with crayon! :D)..damn.. i was that hopeless..
so to cikgu farizam thank u so much for your help and support, i wouldnt be as wise as i am now..such a despair to teach a student as i am at that time..

when im 4 years old i used to eat glue..eeeeuwww..well how would that probably taste..:D

i used to have a robot that my parents bought for me from Mecca, saudi arabia..so everytime i turn on the switch i would ran furiously to hide behind the bed...i was scared that it might want to chase me..well how on earth i would know at that time..yeah..bad idea to give a kid..

i also used to swallow chewing gum..why the hell would i do that??i might just choke!

i used to wish upon a wishing star(well all the star just look the same that time) for a bicycle..a blue one specifically..haha..

eventhough i am like that hopeless..i still enjoyed my childhood...even some of the memories i cant remember..but part of it is still visible..:D

lost in time

im just 18..still young...and i was born 1992...not many people from my age would love to listen to old songs..what i meant was the 90's or 80's perhaps.. :D yes..most will thought it as old school..well im not into the kind of disco rock n roll era songs..just songs like..

A few of my favourites :D
how deep is your love - take that
when i see you smile -bad english
i was meant for you -jewel
at the beginning
beat it - Michael jackson
vertigo -U2
lost in love - air supply
hard to say im sorry -chicago
let it be - the beatles
true colours
the glory of love- chicago
bryan mcknight
everytime i close my eyes - babyface

so the list goes on..but only these i manage to remember now..well i did hear that my generation tend to like old songs,vintage stuff compared to the previous..the more we think of it the future are more attached to the past..the in trend now is just like in the 90s or 80s with the hairdo and fashion..

guys? remember?the bangs?just the same:Dwell they are icons,people tend to follow

its like were going back to the past..we're repeating history..does that sound bad??maybe yes and no..
so i had enough of 'jiberishing' for now..see ya later~!